There’s some things I wish I could take back but I can’t. Because everything I’ve gone through, has helped mold me into the person I am today. And to be honest… I’m fucking proud of myself. I’ve learned, and am still, learning from my mistakes. My self-respect is fucking amazing because even when I want to cry, I know it aint worth my tears. I learned to take my own advice. I suck all my hurt up, hold my chin up high, and fucking come out on top. I fucking love myself… And that includes all the obstacles I’ve gone through in order to get to this point,

001. School. I’m excited, but at the same time, I have 18 units this coming up quarter. I know I’m gona be stressed, but that’s what makes me go to sleep well each night. Hustle now, play later.

002. My future. Something else I’m excited for. Idk what it holds, or where I’m headed. But I’m driven and determined. Nothing’s gona hold me back, I’m gona come out on top.

003. My family, cause they’re my support system. If it weren’t for them, esp my mom, I probably would have gone insane in the membrane.

004. Work. I hate it, but hopefully I’ll get calls back soon enough. I can’t wait to get out of that hell hole.

005. My friends. If it weren’t for a good chunk, I’d probably be depressed but they helped me get through a lot lately.

006. My dad — I really hope he goes back to normal soon. I hate seeing him like this. It’s hard being strong in front of him, but once he falls asleep, I cry. It just sucks seeing someone you love go through pain and struggle. I feel helpless because I can’t take his pain away. He just had a triple bypass, I can’t wait for it all to blow over…

007. Myself, cause I need to take care of myself right now, for my fam’s sake. I passed out, and since then, I’ve felt like shit. I’ve been feeling faint and stressed, my back’s been killing me, and it’s all cause of my dad and my lungs. I need to see a doctor soon. For my own sake… Oh me, oh my-_- And for Brittney’s sake, cause she’s been worried shitless for me haha

001. Be my best friend. Cause there’s nothing better than falling in love with someone who’s your best friend, =)

002. Win my family’s heart, not just mine.

003. Honestly, it’s the little things that count. The smallest things make me hela happy.

004. Make me smile/laugh. It’s really not difficult with me, ;)

005. Take me out on spontaneous dates. Dinner/movie is fine, but I wouldn’t mind going out and doing something small but fun. I can have fun going for walks/runs, batting cages, sf, the beach, etc.

006. Show me you’re different. But it’s really something you can’t show me… It’s something I can only see myself. But if you’re different, you got me.

007. Understand me. Most people don’t. My looks can be deceiving, but I’m complex.

008. Show me that you care… And mean it. Show me that you won’t hurt me… And mean it. I don’t want to go down that road anymore.

I was having fun, enjoying life and worrying about myself. I was doing Me- Me, Myself, and I. I was driven.

Then my dad went to the ER a week or so ago. It’s 6AM, been up for an hour and a half now. Daddy’s getting ready for open heart surgery… A 5 hour procedure that should start around 7:30AM. But I got my head up high, I’ll be waiting. Everything will be okay.

I love you, Daddy,

001. I’m extremely proud of myself. All the struggles I’ve encountered helped me become the person I am now. I LOVE MYSELF.

002. I am extremely nice/friendly, but I can also be a really big bitch. I’m a bitch in a sense that I’m very opinionated and I’ll speak my mind regardless of the fact that it may hurt you. If it’s the truth, I’ll tell you.

003. I have no drama and I really have no legitimate haters.

004. I love Starbucks. I think I’m addicted and it’s fucking BAD.

005. I have two babies. Well, three, but I still need to meet the third. My niece, Ela, my godson, Eli, and his newborn baby brother Ezekiel. They mean the world to me.

006. I have very few extremely close friends. I’m outgoing and I know a lot of people but they’re just acquaintances. My bests I count on just one hand.

007. I speak waaaaay more than your average american. I stutter and say “like” multiple times when telling one story. Apparently, I say “somebody,” “everybody,” and “saw” with a weird accent. I think it’s just because I talk so fast that my accent slips out every so often.

008. I went to Rock The Bells today. I’ve never seen so much weed/cigarettes/alcohol at once ever in life. I’ve never tried anything before. I just find it pointless and I don’t feel the need for me to do it.

009. I’ve only had two serious relationships. The first one lasted two years, and the second lasted about a year. I find that to be a lot for someone my age. I’m complex, you probably won’t understand this until you get to know or talk to me.

001. I always hated how strict you were, but i understand why. If it weren’t for you, i wouldn’t be who i am now… I’m proud of myself and you’re a huge reason why. If it weren’t for you, i’d probably be like every other girl out there right now. But i’m not. I have my head on straight, i hurt but i have an understanding of everything, and i’m focused. I know i get upset sometimes because i feel like you don’t get me, but i know you just mean and want the best for me. I’m truly grateful to have you in my life. I love you, Mom=)

(But then again, she already knows this!)

002. Sometimes i wish you spoke to me more. It’s crazy how you’ve known me my entire life but know so little about me and everything that goes on with me.

003. I hate how you always speak so highly of your girlfriends. It gets played out and that’s why i feel like  i can be such a bitch to the girls you take home. The more girls you take home, the less meaning they have to me. I’m really sorry if you get frustrated with my actions towards you and them sometimes, but i have my reasons. So i’ll try. And if i have to explain to her myself why i can be such a bitch or why she feels like i push her away, i will. But to be honest, i hope you don’t f/ck up with this girl, because in all honesty, i kind of like her.

004. I like how you’re a tall twig who cares about me and can be overprotective when i have boyfriends even though i can kick your ass. And sometimes, just sometimes, you piss me off like no other to the point where i do wana kick your ass. But i don’t cause i’ll feel bad for making you cry. I love you. HAHAHA.

005. It’s amazing how close we got and how much i love you. We’re so much alike and we never expected our relationship to grow the way it has. Hopefully, everything works out the way we want it to. We’d be living the life! And i’m thankful for you entering my life at the time you did ‘cause you and i were both hurting at the exact same time. We can relate in so many ways and i’m sure somewhere along the lines, we’ll bump heads. It’s always going to happen. But i can see you in my life a long ways down the road;) When i hurt, you hurt. And i love you for it.

006. I’m sorry that when i had a boyfriend, i went MIA. And i’m sorry that i knew you were upset but went MIA anyways. I’m glad that we’ve spent hela time together these past couple months. Who knew these past 2 months could/would make up for 1 year that i went MIA for? You’re important to me, the next guy’s going to have to understand that.

007. Sometimes i wish i never met you because i wouldn’t have gone through all the hurt. But i’m glad i met you because if i didn’t go through the pain with you, i would have gone through it with someone else some time in this lifetime. A part of me wants to hate you for hurting me, but a bigger part of me is grateful because i learned sooo much from our relationship. I learned to accept it and let go. I learned to respect myself even more. And i learned to have fun. I learned to love myself 1000x more than i ever thought i could. I learned to be happy without you or anyone else. Through you, i found myself and because of all this, i’m happier than i ever was. You gave up. Therefore, i gave up. But i’m thankful because i wouldn’t have learned all of this without you. Point blank: We weren’t mean to be. And sh/t happens. I’m taking that mentality with me as i move forward. I just got a little too caught up in happiness with you, that i lost myself. But i’m back;) And when i bounce back, i bounce back 10x harder than before.

008. I think you are helllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllla cute. But i hate how you’re friends with a guy who likes me. I hate that i’m too nice to just leave it at that cause i’m not one for the drama, so i gota let you be honey. WHAT A SAD LIFE! HAHAHA. Too bad we had to meet through him, ;(

009. I hate you and your girlfriend together. I feel like your relationship with her is pointless. I don’t see the point in breaking up and making up every other day. You’re a smart guy, but you’re completely stupid when it comes down to her for some reason, i never really understood that. I love you, but i hope you use your brain and realize this because right now you are retarded to me.

010. I think you are an idiot and i feel like you are going to f/ck your life up sooner or later. Get your sh/t straight and keep your legs closed, please. Stop acting like you run the relationship, when in all reality, you’re not even close. Stop putting up a front and get the f/ck over it. You’re just making yourself look stupid.

leviv:

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession

LAYER 1: ON THE OUTSIDE
Name: Katt
Birth Date: May 20, 1991
Current Location: San Jose
Hair Color: Black/brown
Righty/Lefty: Righty

LAYER 2: ON THE INSIDE.
Your fear: Nothing. I learned to keep my guard up.
Your dream of the perfect date: Anywhere, as long as the person makes me happy.
Goals you’d like to achieve: Transfer. I’m focused, tho!=)

LAYER 3: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW.
Your thoughts first waking up: “Whyyy do you keep callinggg, Kuya?” HAHAHA
Your best physical feature: A lot of people like my smile.
Your bed time: It varies.
Your most missed memory: Too many to choose from ;p lol

LAYER 4: YOUR PICK.
Pepsi or Coke: Dr. Pepper
McDonald’s or Burger King: Neither. I haven’t had a burger in faevs lol
Single or Group Dates: Single
Adidas or Nike: Nike
Chocolate or Vanilla: Strawberry
Cappuccino or Coffee: Coffee

LAYER 5: DO YOU.
Smoke: I’m HELA sensitive. I can smell that shit from a mile away… And it makes me cough, EVERY time… -_-
Cuss: I try not to, it slips;X
Take showers: I’m too clean. I shower twice a day. Sometimes three, but my friend calls me crazy so i try not to.
Have a crush: I think some guys are cute but not enough to consider any a crush lol
Like(d) school: When i focus. I’m ready and essited for this coming quarter;)
Believe in yourself: I do.
Believe what goes around comes around: Indeed.
Believe everything happens for a reason: YES, YES, YES. EVERYTHING.
Think you’re a health freak: Not so much. I eat a lot of bad food.

LAYER 6: IN THE PAST MONTH.
Gone to the mall: Yes
Been on stage: No
Eaten sushi: Yes
Been hurt: To a certain extent, yes. I recovered.
Dyed your hair: No

LAYER 7: HAVE YOU EVER.
Played a stripping game: No
Kissed the same sex: No
Changed who you were to fit in: No, i talk too much to even try lol

LAYER 8: GETTING OLD.
Age you’re hoping to be married by: Just when i know it’s the right time.
Number of kids you’re planning on having: 2 or 3.


LAYER 9: IN A GIRL/GUY.
Best eye color: Brown
Best hair color: Black
Short or long hair: Short
Looks or personality: Personality makes someone’s look.
Fun or serious: Fun but serious when he needs to be.

LAYER 10: WHAT WERE YOU DOING.
1 MINUTE AGO: This
1 HOUR AGO: Sleeping til my brother kept calling and Drew kept texting;( lol
1 WEEK AGO: Busy. Finally got to hit with the boys! Lol looove it!
1 YEAR AGO: Probably working lol

LAYER 11: FINISH THE SENTENCE.
I FEEL: Sleepy;(
I HATE: How my left foot is asleep right now!
I HIDE: Nothing. I’m a pretty open person but only to a certain extent.
I NEED: To get a new job. Hopefully, i get a call back soon.
I LOVE: My life and everyone important in it.

My other me, <3

…And Bella!

(via -vi2an)